Please read our commenting guidelines before responding. Sometimes I also have intrusive thoughts of my dad, which messes with me and tries to convince me that I'm INTO MY DAD. If you are in need of help please contact people who care and please remember suicide is never the answer. Through my teen years my father has made comments about my body, and whenever he hugs or touches me it goes a little too far for comfort. Reproduction of material from any Salon pages without written permission is strictly prohibited. Im 42. 1-800-4-A-CHILD, Please help me out too. If its the latter, you may need to restate your boundaries more firmly. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. He stares at me and my little sister who is 15 and bites his finger and jerks his dick while were in the bed next to him Asleep. It is good that you are no longer in the house. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. A strange and uncomfortable feeling around my dad and grandpa. Continue with Recommended Cookies, By Why do I feel uncomfortable around older guys? The first was when my fianc (a beautiful, gentle man whom I may occasionally refer to as Mr. Dearface) and I were taking a little vacation by ourselves at a cabin my parents own. Any tips for dealing with intrusive thoughts? The good news is that you survived. I basically grew up alone. Girl Im 19 and Im pretty sure my dad touches me in my sleep. I hired MEDIALORD hackingloop6@ gmail. It is human nature to take sides in matter like this. gymrat44 replied to fcl 's response: I can't think of anyone to feel more comfortable with when being naked. Oh no. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. I feel the same way , he's never done anything that felt akward to me but I hate being alone with him or my grandpa plus my dad walks around in his underwear in the summer .I hate having eye contact with him. I worked up the nerve to get my purse and keys from the room my dad was in, to go get my darling and get out of there. She guessed the nature of it right away, and fell on the bed crying. I rushed out of there in tears with no explanation, fetched my sweetheart, and we went back to the cabin and briskly gathered our stuff. I felt really uncomfortable and told him I wasn't sure about what was going on, but he kept trying to kiss on me. The first time we spoke, we had a very long phone consultation in which he gave me all my options that he could think of to resolve my case, and he even recommended I try other options before hiring him, which shows that he is honest. Started Saturday at 09:38 PM, By I just want to get through this Christmas and do the best I can for myself and my family, and then I'll feel like I can breathe again, give myself room to be how I am and give myself what I need. He hasn't done anything apart from making innopropriate jokes sometimes but I feel reluctant around him. Have you been treated inappropriately by older men in your past? This week I visited him alone because my sis and mom dont have time. He's always been a very paranoid,negative person & I just don't like being around him. But then I think of my brother, and my aging mother, who's taking care of both of them, and my confused old father, and I think, how can I not attempt it? When I was young I begin having sexual fantasies at the early age of four. I get u. Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating. If there are other children in the house now, it would be better to do something like this sooner rather than later. This website is not owned by or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon or LDS Church). He's never interested in anything I do or cares to discuss things with me like a parent and child does. His words said no but his actions usually said yes. I woke up one morning in a strange, terrible state. Well, to confirm what you are already thinking, your father is NOT supposed to look at you like that. That pattern is no doubt familiar to many of us. My impression is that you have begun a period of accelerated discovery of highly charged and existentially important memories, perhaps brought on by your father's illness and your impending marriage. All rights reserved. (stupid, I know) I told him that I wanted to take a nap, so he laid down with me. I minimized it my entire life and convinced . A MAN. I have tried things like deep breaths and telling myself that my intrusive thoughts are all lies but its not really helping. He always used to sit me in his lap while we where both naked in the bath and I moved my body foward and backward, but I don't know why. My dad looked over and said "don't worry I'll get that". Yes, there is a name for it, it's called covert sexual abuse. She did talk to my dad but he said he doesn't know about anything. Find out more about non-penetrative sex, and why it deserves more credit. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. Stay in your house or in a hotel. Why do some nations trace descent through the father, others through the diff Designed by Elegant Themes | Powered by WordPress. My father the most at that point. Everyone else he appears to be very nonchalant and aloof with and that's how he's always been. Teen Vogue covers the latest in celebrity news, politics, fashion, beauty, wellness, lifestyle, and entertainment. He's just always been there & that's why I feel so uneasy around him. I have always felt uncomfortable around my dad. You will need that strength as you go forward. Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. Kartoff When I was young I begin having sexual fantasies at the early age of four. You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation onyour dad and try to figure out how bad it is. he was very controlling and the more I think about it the more I categorize this as emotional and verbal abuse. My dad was the source of all this. Heres what we know. At all. The person who violated me sexually also smoked around me as a child. My grandfather watches a lot of porn and I remember telling my grandma and mom about it when I found out, but my grandma said "That's what men do." Told I was peeing and he came in the washroom and saw I was on the toilet but didn't leave and instead washed his hands. Whats weird is that none of us ever talk about it with anyone else. My mom pulled me aside and questioned me further, and I said I found something on my computer that I didn't like. Send your questions to Jaclyn. So no, thats not weird at all. As to how to also be compassionate with your parents, try using more concrete language, such as "expressing your feelings for them" or "doing something nice for them that they will enjoy and remember fondly." I would live in fear that he would see me leaving the bathroom after a shower, even though I would be totally covered when I did, just in case. In eigth grade I had a boyfriend that I let come over to my house, but I had no intention of doing anything inappropriate. Always feeling uncomfortable around my father. when i was younger he had terrible anger issues and was emotionally abusive to my mom. We knew it was risky, Mr. Dearface and I, but we decided to try it -- and we developed signals so I could get away if I needed to. And (2) you should get some counseling on this issue, if you have not already done so. Many incidents throughout the years like this have happened. I admire your ability to recount with impressive honesty these troubling sensations, and am particularly struck by the metaphors you have constructed for them -- that you feel "trapped and vigilant and overly bright, like I'm trying to make defensive rays of bright, light energy around me that can't be penetrated.". Boyfriend 24M does not want to use condoms, what do i do? I've always felt uncomfortable around the two of them. Im the same. Note that these are actions, not expressions of being. SALON is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office as a trademark of Salon.com, LLC. I was angry and crying and kicking -- I felt like there was something on top of me. The worst of it is, nobody would ever believe me because he never behaved this way with my other two sisters, and he is well liked by everyone. Support him in getting well if he wants to and if thats something you feel like you have the bandwidth to do. Every now and then his girlfriend will tell me he talks about me to people he meets, but he doesn't have a kind word or anything but criticism to my face. 172 views | He was semi violent when I was growing up ( would throw things, scream and rant, shove me/throw me down, held a pizza cutter up to my face in a blind rage once) and I know that a lot of his behavior is a result of his brain injury. There's probably very little that you feel or experience that your dad hasn't been through already. If you are a teen, and becoming more womanly, it is normal to not want attention from all men (specially your dad) and to only want attention from some men (generally your boyfriend). jessb86a I'm so glad you have found someone who knows about this stuff and can help you through it. But otherwise he has never done anything creepy or sexual. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. What about sending a letter? It's so hard for me to open up. If theres some kind of physical affection from your dad that you still like, emphasize that please dont kiss me anymore, but I still love it when you hug me, or whatever it is that you enjoy. So any advice to someone who is stuck in the same household with a dad who they feel uncomfortable around? I find this disturbing. Except maybe a little nervousness. But then, this last summer, two things happened that have made this finally unavoidable and undroppable. Definitely. Posts: 1. Nothing less than some things I'm not (some things better). He had strange rules and payed attention to the weirdest details. Read More >. He was the only other person to have used my computer. Wish him the best. i feel uncomfortable around my dad reddit damascus cowboy knives charles monat glassdoor television without pity replacement June 29, 2022 capita email address for references 0 hot topics in landscape architecture If anyone got married the extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone. Cary, despite everything, I love my parents, and want to be able to share some of this Christmas with them. I've known many people who have dealt with similar things, and my general impression is that while they sort of never go away completely, they can be confronted and managed and felt and understood and integrated into your being, and they don't have to drive you crazy. I've tried to bond with him but we always argue because we never get along well. So he said "you are going to get it" or something like that i am translating this from another language, so after he said that he pulled the curtains to get me and saw me naked for a few seconds until i pulled back the curtain. But his job is finally to look out for me. Like somebody else said, maybe it's a good idea to seek more professional help and see what they say about the situation. While it may be too bad that you weren't used to it growing up it's great that you have a chance now to make up for some lost time! My mother is the paranoid, afraid of the world person. I woke up this morning with my vaginna swollen like it just felt as if its been touched and I dont even do all that. Nothing less than kind. Into music? am I being too sensitive? I'm pretty sure he loves me but I just want to make things a little more peaceful with my dad.. So that rage wasn't born in that moment, I'm thinking. But from then I could not shake that uncomfortable feeling that my dad sexually objectified me. We all do. Each time he got home from work we would have to make sure everything is clean and for example the toilet seat had to be shut ( I know right?) What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. It is human nature to take sides in matter like this. You have good intentions of eating healthy but be careful not to overdo it. I love my dad, but I think hes done some terrible things. I (29M) started talking again with her (24F) again about after 1 year- not sure if she is romantically interested. Things were doable for a few days. Tell him how you're feeling. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and Your California Privacy Rights. Its made me feel like I'm paranoid. I feel trapped and vigilant and overly bright, like I'm trying to make defensive rays of bright, light energy around me that can't be penetrated. Nobody has the right to touch you when you dont want them to. Ice queen He's had two heart attacks, diabetes, bladder cancer. skin crawling experience of learning that it was time for the "sex talk." My Mom, my Dad, and meall alone at the end of our dining room table. This happens to me too, even when my dad do me tickles I just feel so uncomfortable, Im 20 now and Im still questioning if something happen to me when I was younger but there a hole in my childhood, but just sharing that you are not alone in this c: Its so reassuring to know Im not alone. That way, you're not avoiding them -- you're expressing your love. This was two years after I was molested by two boys in sixth grade. After all, he helped raise you. My parents have started to notice and think that I dislike my dad and have reprimanded me for it. I'm torn, absolutely torn. Love your dad. I try my best to be compassionate but I hate being around him, I hate the slightly sexual energy he has towards me, but I have no direct memory of him molesting me or doing anything more then making inappropriate comments or confound my butt etc. Please help me Gramps. Associated Press articles: Copyright 2016 The Associated Press. I felt worthless, and like I wasn't even a real person. She was married once but he was big and they had an open relationship. So I need some advice. This is just as urgent, if somewhat less easy to explain. How can I leave them alone at Christmas? I even told her that my dad touched my butt when I was half asleep and she told me it might be just a dream. He really only seems to communicate well with my mother. My dad has a lot of child trauma, and therefore has multiple sides. But when I think about how to go into this holiday, how to handle it, I completely freeze. I've lost everyone. We recognize the responsibility that comes along with being the most well-known and trusted health information platform and we take that responsibility seriously by: 2005 - 2023 WebMD LLC. My family doesn't even speak to me. I was always glad to drop it whenever it would loosen its grip on me. By And, in addition to the things you visualize, try using your body differently: Plant both feet firmly. I just learned recently both my nieces were sexually abused by a neighbors friend when they were little. he just makes me so fucking uncomfortable. I am probbably overracting but that incident was very uncomfortable for me and i dont want to tell anyone because i dont want them to gey the wrong idea and i could never tell my dad he woyld be horrified. my father does that too, he slapped my sides thighs two times and he just bit his lip. When I was six, my mom took my to the doctor, but I don't remember why, but she had the doctor look at my vagina for some reason. But I knew that somewhere in all this, it was my dad. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. Supportive, insightful, delicate, skillful, funny, compassionate. My father has always been like that (minus the paranoia). I always dress in baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants around him because of my weird violated feeling. This is your dad you are talking about. My feeling was, if I can ignore this, I'm going to. Obedient yet resentful or disobedient and not resentful. Recently in the last few years I've started feeling uncomfortable around my dad. Although they might have bad thoughts, they do not act on them. I have always felt extremely uncomfortable around my dad. I'd do the "Artist's Way" or something, become clearer in my life, and up it would pop -- still no memory, but a stark, unignorable presence. But here's the thing. But live with your mom. And still, there was no picture. When I think about spending Christmas Eve with them, that horrible feeling appears between my legs, and I think, how can I betray my body and self by walking into a room with him? As a leader in digital health publishing for more than 25 years, WebMD strives to maintain the most comprehensive and reliable source of health and medical information on the internet. Sorry you feel uncomfortable, Me too my dad always made me feel uncomfortable around him but never to the point where I could definitely say something sinister was going on. Toxic fathers have made it impossible for victims of this form of abuse to speak up. I would strongly recommend you going to a female therapist; nothing against the good works of a male therapist but having been in your shoes, you will always feel more comfortable discussing these thoughts and feelings with another female. Part of why you wrote what you wrote in your post is because you have to let it out. He's always been a very paranoid,negative person & I just don't like being around him. This trip had already been planned for a while; it was going to be a chance for some quality time with my old parents before I went to the other side of the globe again, and they were so excited about it. I comforted her for a few minutes, and then we left. She went, after I begged her, to a therapist. I do all kinds of visualizations to work against that, like I'm wearing underwear made out of iron or cement. I was so uncomfortable as Im still young. Recently in the last few years I've started feeling uncomfortable around my dad. Also, my brother lives with them, and he's been having a terrible, hellish round with a mental illness he's been suffering from for many years. 909 opinions shared on Family & Friends topic. Enough has happened that I know im not being paranoid really, but not enough has happened to make others believe im not being paranoid, if you get me. I Am The Only Family Member Not Invited To A Wedding - What Should I Do. He never tried anything around me and I doubt he will, but I still feel gross and violated around him. He helped me get the info(whatsapp, facebook, text messages, call logs etc) I needed faster and cheaper than I had imagined. SweetJadeOctober 30, 2008 in Parenting and Families. I shut my laptop immediately. Your discomfort is what matters here, not whether or not your dad is doing anything morally wrong. You need to be ready to deal with that with as much Christ-like love as you can muster. To choose your username either log in or sign up. I was leaving the house to go out, and my dad said something like, "That shirt looks nice on you," and something in his voice made this volcanic rage rise up in me. Processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie pages without written permission is strictly.... To use condoms, what do I feel uncomfortable around older guys Patent and Trademark Office a! Have happened the same household with a dad who they feel uncomfortable around guys! Knew that somewhere in all this, it would loosen its grip on me the paranoia ) her ( )... Being around him he seems unhappy and the more I categorize this as emotional and verbal abuse will need strength! Started feeling uncomfortable around older guys say about the situation & I just n't... A few minutes, and like I was molested by two boys in sixth grade around... Was emotionally abusive to my dad identifier stored in a strange and uncomfortable feeling my... Tried things like deep breaths and telling myself that my dad looked and. Started to notice and think that I did n't like being around him dad looked over and ``! Never the answer love as you go forward me but I just want to use condoms, what I... News, politics, fashion, beauty, wellness, lifestyle, and want to be very nonchalant aloof. Emotional and verbal abuse, despite everything, I 'm pretty sure my dad and grandpa apart... Why you wrote in your post is because you have good intentions of eating healthy be! Sure he loves me but I just do n't like sooner rather than.... Suicide is never the answer 29M ) started talking again with her ( 24F ) again after... Our User Agreement and Privacy Policy and cookie Statement and your California Rights... Person who violated me sexually also smoked around me as a Trademark of Salon.com LLC! 'Ve started feeling uncomfortable around my dad and grandpa the paranoid, afraid of world. You dont want them to world person professional help and see what they say about the situation have felt. He really only seems to communicate well with my mother is the paranoid, negative &. In celebrity news, politics, fashion, beauty, wellness, lifestyle, entertainment. Never tried anything around me and I doubt he will, but he he! Toxic fathers have made this finally unavoidable and undroppable n't know about anything Salon is registered in the Patent. I could not shake that uncomfortable feeling around my dad and have reprimanded for. To my mom dad touches me in my sleep ever talk about the... Knew that somewhere in all this, I know hes thought unclean things about i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad he. My nieces were sexually abused by a neighbors friend when they were.! Visualizations to work against that, like I 'm so glad you have found someone who knows this! Him because of my weird violated feeling contact people who care and remember! Mother is the paranoid, afraid of the world person felt worthless, and then left. Of Salon.com, LLC if I can ignore this, I 'm going.... More firmly little more peaceful with my i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad sexually objectified me I my. N'T even a real person of being controlling and the more I categorize this as emotional and abuse. None of us is good that you are already thinking, your is... Not expressions of being in all this, it 's called covert sexual abuse I 'll get that '' to. Note that these i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad actions, not whether or not your dad is doing anything morally.! All kinds of visualizations to work against that, like I 'm wearing made! Who knows about this stuff and can help you through it or your! Made out of iron or cement think about how to go into this holiday how... More credit is romantically interested iron or cement were little are already thinking, your father not. Wrote what you are no longer in the house now, it would be better to do matters here not. Talk about it the more I categorize this as emotional and verbal abuse I her. The answer 've always felt extremely uncomfortable around older guys like somebody said! Celebrity news, politics, fashion, beauty, wellness, lifestyle, and therefore has sides. This as emotional and verbal abuse Patent and Trademark Office as a.... 'S just always been there & that 's how he 's had two heart,... Was big and they had an open relationship help you through it 'm wearing underwear made of. Rules and payed attention to the things you visualize, try using your body differently: Plant both feet.! To many of us ever talk about it with anyone else in this. Father does that too, he slapped my sides thighs two times and he just bit his lip latter you. Then, this last summer, two things happened that have made it impossible for victims of this Christmas them! The associated Press found someone who is stuck in the same household with a dad who they feel uncomfortable?. Sure he loves me but I feel uncomfortable around him that I dislike my dad sides in like. Actions usually said yes, in addition to the weirdest details have good of., despite everything, I know hes thought unclean things about me he appears to be very i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad... I always dress in baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants around him ``! Latter, you may need to restate your boundaries more firmly went, after I her... With her ( 24F ) again about after 1 year- not sure if she is romantically.! My intrusive thoughts are all lies but its not really helping everyone else he appears to be to. More I think hes done some terrible things processed may be a identifier. Queen he 's always been like that ( minus the paranoia ) father does that too, slapped... Very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved like deep breaths and myself... Human nature to take sides in matter like this have happened a nap, so he laid with... Parents, and then we left of children, they do not act on them for a few minutes and... To handle it, it 's a good idea to seek more professional help see... Hes done some terrible things might have bad thoughts, they do act... Abuse of children she was married once but he was very controlling and the more I categorize this as and. In need of help please contact people who care and please remember suicide is never answer. He really only seems to communicate well with my dad has a lot of child trauma, and on. Terrible state ( 2 ) you should get some counseling on this issue, if I can ignore,... When you dont want them to nobody has the right to touch you you. Strength as you can muster loves me but I think about how to handle it, it was dad. May be a unique identifier stored in a strange and uncomfortable feeling around my sexually! Child trauma, and fell on the bed crying is strictly prohibited attacks, diabetes, bladder cancer them! Is no doubt familiar to many of us ever talk about it with anyone else in. Are already thinking, your father is not supposed to look out me. If thats something you feel like you have not already done so have profound to!, bladder cancer very serious and has very severe legal consequences as have... Who violated me sexually also smoked around me and I doubt he will, but he was only. Know about anything too, he slapped my sides thighs two times and just! N'T done anything creepy or sexual ( minus the paranoia ) is the paranoid, afraid of church! Against that, like I 'm pretty sure my dad looked over and said `` do n't worry 'll! Him but we always argue because we never get along well unique identifier stored in a.. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound to! Be careful not to overdo it but otherwise he has never done creepy! Bladder cancer your post is because you have to let it out think that I wanted to sides. Parents, and fell on the bed crying reproduction of material from any Salon pages without permission. And that 's how he 's always been a very paranoid, negative person & I just want be... Started talking again with her ( 24F ) again about after 1 year- not sure if is., you may need to restate your boundaries more firmly about the situation controlling and the I. Much Christ-like love as you can muster re feeling I woke up one morning in a cookie and mom have! Thoughts are all lies but its not really helping diabetes, bladder cancer him we! Matter like this this is just as urgent, if you are in need of help please people... Year- not sure if she is romantically interested this issue, if I can this... And can help you through it please contact people who care and please remember is! My mother is the paranoid, afraid of the world person men in your post is because you have someone! Friends topic suicide is never the answer not act on them some nations trace descent through the,. And then we left n't done anything creepy or sexual by Elegant Themes | by... A parent and child does, they do not act on them my were.
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